by Mr. Nice Guy aka Wali
ORIGINALLY FEATURED IN OUR WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Hello Flypaper! I’m Mr. Nice Guy and I’m the self proclaimed “Relationship Guru!” Now over on face book, I have a weekly newsletter that goes out on dating and relationships. I’ve hit quite a few nerves in my history of the news letter because some feel that their side of the story isn’t being told or I’ve told “too much truth”. The only thing I do is provide the truth ,or something very close to it, to the best of my ability. So if you have questions concerning the opposite sex as to why ladies do this or why men do that, then ask me, Mr. Nice Guy, and I’ll answer giving you. at times, what you knew all along and other times what you didn’t want to hear but always, the raw truth. Can you handle it? Good, lets get started.
Our first question comes from a young lady who has a man that’s locked up, and she cheated on him. Should she tell?
Question:
When you’re in a relationship for couple of years and your mate goes to jail, you agree to wait for him, but don’t and you cheat…What happens next???

Answer:
My initial response is, don’t tell him. There are probably a few nuances and anxieties to being in locked up and I imagine that being cheated on is one of them. He has to be in a great spiritual place (pope or pastor like) to accept that. It would only hurt and unless you’re pregnant or contracted a disease as a result, then you probably shouldn’t say anything, ever. If you choose to move on, then let him know that you have decided to move on- still without necessarily letting him know you cheated but in a way that he understands that your life goes on regardless of decisions( such ascommitting crime) he makes or has made. I understand that some may be wrongly imprisoned but that’s usually not the scenario in most cases. Be sure also that if you make the decision to tell him that you’re not putting yourself in a position to be harmed. Meaning he may try to have his family wrap around you to “assist” you while he’s put away but really keeping you close enough to watch. Be careful. Safest thing to do is just keep the information from him, his family, and friends if you choose to be with him after he gets out. Thanks, and have a nice day.
Our next question comes from a lady who wonders why men don’t show the emotion they need…

Question:
Why can’t men emote to the degree their women need?

Answer:
Okay first lets look at the definition of emote.
Emote. Verb. To make an emotional display. In terms of a stage play or move, it means to give expression to.

First off, from my personal upbringing, as boys, we were taught by male mentors or figures in the community that showing emotion is a weakness; that it’s a women’s trait. This put a damper on expression.
In fact, we were also taught that many “emotional or angry males” are that way because they were raised by their mothers and thus gained that trait.

2 scenarios where emotions can do harm:

· Children usually pick on others when they know they can get a response out of that child
· Adults are usually branded unstable and short tempered when they show their emotion too much in key situations.

We were taught by men in the community to…. keep a poker face which turned out to be a great thing in business deals or protecting yourself from many nefarious people out there but in regards to a relationship, it sucked for me because my range of emotions were limited.

“My girlfriend would often say, “you’re, not happy? You don’t act like it! You don’t show that you care!” Or “why don’t you act happy to see me!”
Truth is, I was more than happy, just didn’t show it. Over time and through other failed relationships, I learned to be comfortable in expressing myself to my woman.

The key to that is trust. I learned that allowing myself to be vulnerable wasn’t a weakness but a strength. It shows that I have a higher degree of security. Or rather a lower degree of insecurity.

There may be a wall for whatever reason that is up with your man and if you’re willing to climb it and look inside the grounds, he may be willing to topple it. Or, you may find attack dogs waiting for you also. Some women can fight the dogs but others may be too tired from all that climbing.

If he trusts you, the wall may deteriorate and fall on its own.
My thoughts are that people often get emoting mixed with emotion. When a man is secure and fully trusts you, he can and should emote what he feels. It not only saves time and arguments, but it’s the mature thing to do.

You should key in to particular things in the beginning to figure how high his wall is:
Does he complain a lot?
How is his spiritual faith?

Complainers usually don’t trust that things will work out and don’t usually turn to faith to handle things well. Thus, their wall is higher and I suggest that if you engage in a relationship with these people, pull out your climbing gear. Then again, these are just my opinions. Well that’s it for this week; tune in next week for more questions and answers. Thanks and have a nice day!

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