Article by Mr. Nice Guy

Hello and welcome to my monthly column on relationship tips and advice! I’m Mr. Nice Guy and right now I’d like all that are reading this to take a moment of reflection on our year that was in relationships in the media and our lives. We saw Jay-Z and Beyonce get married, Madonna get divorced and Rihanna and Chris Brown become good “friends”. While it is nice to check out celebrity relationships, we really need to pay attention to our own. Below are resolutions for the New Year for “singles”, “couples” and “people who are together but really want to break up but don’t know how to.”

Okay let’s look at the first 3 which are for singles.

Single Resolution # 1
1. The three month rule! Wait 3 months for everything! No sex, no meeting the parents and no meeting the kids! We meet people and think they are tight but nobody can front longer than 3 months. Better to wait three months than have your kids meet a fly by night person, your parents look at you as a relationship junkie or you give up the goodies and then don’t hear from them again.

Single Resolution # 2
2. Full Disclosure. Stop telling your life story on the first date. Besides sex, you leave nothing to be discovered. People like pleasant surprises more than obvious information. Plus, you’ve got to let them earn certain things. We would be salty if we tell a personal incident or secret and then that person is gone within a week. Unless you have a stalker, or something serious that will affect the relationship, wait a while before sharing. You don’t want to spill your beans with no pot to put them in.

Single Resolution # 3
3. Stop meeting all your mates in one place. The club, the grocery store, the church, the job, school, Etc. when you meet all your “friends” in one spot, you become predictable. Change it up. Don’t become the office, club, church, school, poultry, produce, isle 5, flirt. Mix it up. Keep em’ guessing. A good rule is to (hopefully you’re not dating this many people) date only one person per place. That way, by the time you do visit the same place, enough time has passed between the first and last time.

Next, lets look at our couples who, if you follow this advice, may make it to 2010.
Singles, you can learn from these too because they will come in handy the next time you get “boo’d” up.

Now here are the resolutions for Lovers! First 2 are for us fellas, and the last one is for ladies.

Resolution # 1
Resolve to touch your woman in a non sexual way. Woman like affection and like to be caressed and touched in a way that doesn’t happen in the bed room and doesn’t lead to kissing and humping. Hold a hand, give a full hug goodbye, or just stroke her hair. Doing these and not expecting sex in return will vastly improve your relationship.

Resolution # 2
Resolve to plan an outing at least once a week. Yeah, I know we’re in a recession and funds are low but there are literally hundreds of things to do that don’t cost. The key is not sitting around the house all day. Go and stimulate the senses. Going to different places at least once a week can also stimulate good conversation. But, if you do want to spend money, join a karate class or work out together, this is especially needed if you ate too much this holiday season.

Resolution # 3
Dare to forgive.
There are plenty of things we need to work on. One of them is to not sweat the small stuff. Let it go. If it helps, create and print off custom made coupons for forgiveness, hugs, cuddling, and smiles. I know that even I, the relationship expert, can say some pretty stupid things sometimes and what’s better than a “get out of jail free pass”? As guys, we need to hand these to you every once and a while and then keep things moving. No, I’m not saying if you catch your dude cheating, he can hand you a “forgive me hug” card. In that case you would hand him a “to the left, to the left, everything you own is in a box to the left” card. Actually, these “coupons” are for the small disagreements that tend to happen from time to time. You can also use these coupons for a night out with friends, an automatic date, or an inclusion into a busy schedule. Resolve to be creative this year in handling the small stuff. Too many small things unchecked can lead to big issues.

Now let’s look at the 3 resolutions for those that need to break up.

Resolution # 1
Resolve to value yourself enough to know when enough is enough. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, but not when you’re stuck in mud and nothing is growing. Don’t use an outside force to break free. It could land you into another unhappy relationship. Resolve to see what good you have within and raise your standards. It takes a bit of courage to accomplish this so meditate for a while if you need to or seek the counsel of a wiser older person. You inherently know what your standards are and understand that you can’t make a Dell laptop into an Apple Macintosh. If your partner is doing something that is below your standards, be courageous and move on. Otherwise, 2009 is going to be a long year.

Resolution # 2
Create a life outside of your mate. The worst thing you can do is depend on someone for your happiness. If “it” is over and you have to move on, then you can at least feel happy that you have a life and friends independent of the one who didn’t want to spend time in the first place. Whether you are in a happy relationship or not, it is always good to have some type of identity for yourself. This way, when you do break up, you won’t feel so lonely and depressed.

Resolution # 3
Set your priorities straight. Is your mate in sync with your spiritual, physical and life goals? Imagine that the two of you are going on a long road trip and there are times when you as the driver need to pay attention to the road and you need them to pay attention to the signs. It doesn’t help if that person is sleep or not looking in the right direction. It just makes for a long stressful trip and you will tire quickly especially if they can’t take the wheel every now and then. What’s worse is that when this person does take the wheel, you get lost and you may never even reach the destination you set out for. Reevaluate not only where you’re going, but who you’re going there with. What map are you using? Is there a map? Sometimes we must take control of who’s in our car. The tragedy is that we usually get lost or worse, get into a wreck along the way. Stop wasting gas and find someone who is going the same direction and willing to help you get there.

Resolution # 10 is for everyone!
Resolve to be happy, yet unselfish. This is kind of tricky but learn the difference between being happy and satisfying an indulgence. True happiness will create peace and harmony. If your happiness causes your relationship tension, then look at the causes. You are either in the wrong relationship or you have to see if you’re being selfish. Resolve to be unselfish by 1. Knowing a relationship means including the one you’re in it with into your plans and 2. Making sure their needs are being met for their happiness. If what makes you happy and what makes them happy can’t coexist, then it may be time to move on. The greatest relationship is when pleasing them makes you happy. I compare this type of relationship to a person’s faith. In a good union, where there is compatibility, both people are happy and their goals are supported by one another. In some cases, you may have to get to your goals a bit before you even think of a relationship. That is ok. That way you’re in striking distance of your goals when you meet the one you want. In 2009, lets all be happy. Well, that’s it for now and hopefully you can apply some of these. Happy holidays and have a nice year!